ABIGAIL JENSEN:
WHO I AM AND WHY I DO WHAT I DO
I was 52 years old before I first began to accept what I had always known: that I've always wanted to live my life as a woman, because that is who I am. That moment was one of revelation, but not of surprise. It was a moment of calmness and gentle peace. It was a moment when I simply realized, "oh, yep, that is what I want." A month later, I began taking estrogen. Since then, I've never looked back. Each step along the way, I tested whether I was on the right path for me by asking, "Is this bringing me peace or anxiety, love or fear?" And each time, the answer was always the same: "This is right for me because this is who I am." There were, of course, many moments when I felt scared. When that happened, I simply waited to see if the fear would pass, or, rather, reached the point where it no longer overwhelmed my desire, my need, to be who I am. When it did (and it always did), I continued on my journey. Because of that process, when I finally decided it was time to transition, I was ready. My confidence in my decision was unshakable. It is that confidence that has allowed me to live my life as a woman with a calmness and comfort with who I am that others see and that helps them to accept me as who I know myself to be.
When I transitioned, I feared those moments when people would learn that I am transgender. Much to my surprise, however, after transition, I found that I am much more comfortable when people know about my history. My transition was part of a lifelong search for wholeness and integrity, so situations where fear leads me to believe that I need to deny or hide who I am, tempt me to violate my sense of wholeness, of personal integrity. The pain of that violation, however, is much more powerful than the fear of what people may think or how they might react. Consequently, I stay true to myself and am "out" in virtually all parts of my life.
Together, my comfort with who I am, and the pain I feel when any of us suffer because of bigotry and hate, have led me to be an advocate whenever and wherever I can. That takes many forms, from standing before the Scottsdale City Council arguing for the passage of ordinances banning discrimination on the basis of gender identity and expression to proudly becoming, as far as I know, the first, and only, transgender attorney to ever appear before the Arizona Supreme Court, and the first one to ever appear before that court as both a man and a woman (and in the same year!). More recently, I led a brainstorming session on trans issues at the Arizona LGBT Town Hall in December, and am working to ensure that the Arizona Bar Association changes the oath each attorney must take to preclude Arizona attorneys from allowing their personal biases about gender identity or sexual orientation to interfere with the representation of their clients.
Mostly, however, my activism takes the form of simply being who I am, a woman of integrity and grace who lives in peace with herself, allowing others to see and learn about who I am and, through that process, build tolerance and acceptance for trans people everywhere. Today I am proud to be transgender and grateful for each opportunity to show the world who I am and, hopefully, change the world one heart, and one mind, at a time. (If you want to know more about me, feel free to browse my personal blogs here and here.)
While I have this chance, I also want to say some things about activism. The trans community in this country is small, and the number of those willing to speak out on the issues that affect us is even smaller. That means that each one of us is vital if we ever want the public's attitude toward us, and the discrimination, hate and bigotry that we face, to change. It also means that one person can have a significant impact on the direction that our community takes in addressing the issues that we face.
It sounds clichéd, but I have learned through experience the truth of the statement that if I don't do it, if I don't step forward and say "this is wrong and must change," if I don't propose solutions and work to make them a reality, then who will? The answer is no one. It happens every day. We see or hear about something that we know is wrong - another trans woman shot in Memphis, another trans woman homeless because she can't get a job - and we stand by in silence and do nothing. Those things will never change if you don't work to change them, even if all you can do is to say "this is wrong." Keep in mind too that, although it is important that we in the trans community know about these injustices, it is our families and friend, our lesbian, gay and bisexual sisters and brothers, and the general public that need to hear our voices. So many people truly have no idea about the mistreatment that we suffer, how widespread it is and how few protections exist to ensure that most basic of human rights: the right to live lives of peace and dignity. Those are the people we need to speak to, because it is their sense of justice and morality that we need to invoke if we ever want things to change.
Is it scary to step forward and say, "I am trans, this is wrong and it must stop"? Of course, it is. But there are also rich rewards in showing the world that we are proud of who we are, that we refuse to cower in the darkness of ignorance and hate any longer, and in knowing that we are helping to change the world, not just for ourselves, but for people everywhere. Join me! Today do just one thing to make the world a better place to live, whether that's giving a hug to a friend you know is having a hard time, writing a letter to the editor or simply telling your story. But, most of all, Be Who You Are!!
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