Staying Alive

From Reflections on Transsexuals Journey

Copyright Jill Page, 12/1/08

Sometimes it takes a good transfriend to bring me down to Earth again, such as Patti. Thank God for her. She's farther along in the transition process than I am. She is a tower of strength, and she can see through me better than most. She's not afraid to tell me so, either, as in: "Stop being such a drama queen." Or: "Stop being so paranoid."  And: "Move on from the hopeless crushes."

I heard all three of those pearls of wisdom from her last night, and all were justified. She's part of my support system and, hopefully, I'll be part of hers. Though, I feel like her little sister most of the time.

Then there's my dear friend Amy, a genetic woman who recognized Jill in me before I had come to terms with it all. Amy is the most intuitive person I've ever met. And she's brilliant: a disability rights attorney and journalist with her own disabilities. She knows all about overcoming adversity. It was Amy who helped me take my first female steps into the real world. It was her knee socks and black dress I tried on one autumn day. It was she who accompanied me on my first shopping trips for femme clothing.

There's other support, too, from my therapist, my adult daughter, and colleagues and friends and online support group. And then there's the people who don't know me, like the clerks in stores who address me as "madame." It all adds up. Sure, there are a few people who disapprove and scowl at me, but they are a tiny minority.

Sorry, Patti, but time for a drama queen moment: Imagine for a moment that I didn't have all this support, but instead encountered scorn, derision and opposition wherever I went. I might be just another bridge statistic by now. But I should not worry about things that haven't happened, right?

Well (Patti), I'm not worrying for myself tonight. I'm thinking about the people who are not getting the support they need - for any number of reasons. The people in their lives may not be as opened-minded and as liberal as the people are in mine. Or perhaps they don't know who to turn to for help, or are just plain "paranoid." There are levels of despair that I haven't endured, but I have heard about them - ie. transfolks "purging" by throwing away all of their femme stuff and suppressing their transgendersm, only to return to it six months later. It becomes a vicious circle of fear and guilt for them, until finally something snaps. I'm told there is a fairly high suicide rate among transfolks, and I can surely understand it, because I think many of us live on the edge.

So, if you have a transperson in your life, be they a family member or colleague or acquaintance, a little show of support will go a long way. A compliment, a kind word, a smile . . .

And if your are a transperson struggling on your own, look for support both online and in your community. There are numerous good online groups and resources, such as susan.org. And there are plenty of therapists who specialize in transgender issues in the private and public sectors. Help is there for you. And remember: you have a right to be a transgender person, no matter whether you plan to fully transition or not. And nobody has a right to prevent you from fulfilling yourself.

Be strong. Be brave. Be yourself.

Jillian

P.S. Yes, Patti, I will move on from the "hopeless crushes" now.

Visit original web blog: http://communities.canada.com/montrealgazette/blogs/patentpending/archive/2008/12/01/staying-alive.aspx